I guess I knew my husband was cheating on me at the same time I became suspicious of his drug activity. His leaving the house late at night, the constant texts and unidentified phone calls he’d have to take in another room, and the “overnight” jobs he suddenly went on.
I still remember the day that I actually caught him…one that he still denies, but the eyes never lie. The image, more like a midnight murder mystery movie that plays in my mind from time to time, is one that I can never forget. Our daughter was three at the time. My husband said he had to go back out for a job estimate. It was 9pm. About 30 minutes later I got a phone call from a friend of mine who asked me if my husband was doing a job out her way. I told her that as far as I knew he wasn’t. Then she told me that his van had been by her home … actually, directly across the street, every night that week. I was stunned! But I immediately scooped up our daughter, packaged her up in her car seat and made the drive out there.
Sure enough, there was his van! As I walked up the steps to the home, I called his cell phone… and from within the home I heard my husband distinctly say, “NO, don’t answer that!” I had our daughter in my arms, and I knocked on the door. A girl answered the door, and when she did I could see my husband seated at their kitchen table with a girl on his lap! I felt like I was a butterfly that had flown too close to a blue lighted bug zapper…. I was shocked, then stupidly stunned as all my suspicions were suddenly confirmed. My heart began falling, and I had to get out of there.
His response??? Oh, it was a calmly cool look, and then a questioning, “What are you doing here??” Back at home, he arrived 30 minutes later, he told me that he was only there because his friend wanted to be introduced to one of the girls that was there. So, why was HE the one with a girl giving him some sort of lap dance??
I did try to leave him on a few occasions. This being one of them. But he’d always bar my way, blocking me from the door way, and convincing me that I should stay.
There were several other times I found out about his cheating heart. Some of his family members would confide in me, and then, when his “friends” would fall out of favor with him, they would message me, telling me about his wicked ways. And then, finally, this past Mother’s Day… we were already separated, and he desperately wanted me back, he told me of all the cheating he had done, but of course was immediately sorry after each one. I found out about SEVERAL occasions. It seemed as though any girl that glanced at him had a chance… and then he told me about hiring hookers when we were in Aruba.
This was way too much for me to handle, and forgive. I began to question everything that I thought we had… and I questioned aspects about myself… like what was it about ME that caused him to stray? We were extremely sexually active. Way more than the average couple … so his wanting “more” seriously confused me.
The big question though was, why did I continue to stay despite knowing deep within my heart that his heart was straying. I guess I truly wanted to believe his lies… I wanted to remain naive… in denial of what was going on within our marriage. I guess I felt that as soon as I accepted what my heart knew was true that my whole world would come crashing down. And who wants to crumble their castles that they’ve built in the clouds?